After working in corporate America for almost 4 years, I was laid off a few weeks ago. I was offered to look for another position within the company, but couldn’t do it. I was done. I decided to dedicate myself full time to my own start up which barely has any revenues to date.
In the last few week I have tried to stay focused on what I agreed with my partner were our company’s top priorities. I haven’t been able to do great job at that. Not only because It’s very hard to keep focus on a start up, some goals are harder to achieve than you originally thought and new possibilities come up. I have tried to stayed focused but didn’t want to be too rigid. It was a hard balance for me, but I realized what made it harder was that I had a total lack of clarity. That didn’t help at all.
What has happened since I stopped this corporate job is that I am suddenly feeling happier and more alive than ever. I feel liberated and want to enjoy live. All these new things I want to do, like going 5 times a week to the gym, doing yoga, got a new cook book, wanting to go to salsa and bachata classes 3 times a week, signed up for 7 weeks of acting classes, an 8 week entrepreneurship bootcamp, I’m in the middle of a 21 day meditation series, I want to get a dog… Yes, I feel liberated, full of life and am completely all over the place.
It has become obvious to me that a I have to let a lot of steam out before I can focus again. This reminded of what a trainer in a 3 week breathing course I did many years ago used to say to those people, mostly women, who had spent a whole life compromising and were resented, full of anger inside and numbed out of touch with their own feelings. He asked them to completely feel free to express themselves, to shout, to jump, to insult, to scream, to cry, to do whatever they needed to start peeling all the layers of repressed emotions they were buried under. He asked them to be “The Bitch”.
His intention was not to create this kind of monster who was completely out of control but to give permission and encouragement to these women to explore themselves and liberate themselves. “The Bitch” was only a temporary stage, the crossing of a dark tunnel towards the light of “The Witch”, someone who is joyful and free from the frustrations and resentments of past.
I feel like I may be trying too hard to once more do what I should be doing instead of what my gut needs me to do. I am trying to have the focus and clarity of “The Witch” to no avail because what I really should be doing is just having fun and giving myself a break to be “The Bitch”.