“I live off of hating myself. If I stop hating myself I’m going to die.”
This is a thought I caught the other day. Some time ago I would have never admitted I had this kind thoughts, I was 100% sure I didn’t. Seeing these thoughts is normal today for me. I don’t see them very often but when I pay attention I do.
We have thousands of thoughts per second. Lots of people agree that the subconscious is like the underwater portion of an iceberg, meaning it accounts for 90% of our behavior.
But it doesn’t need to be like that. It doesn’t need to be a black box and it certainly doesn’t need to be of this proportion. It has taken me years to start developing some awareness of my underlying current of thoughts and despite not seeming like a very valuable or joyful activity, it’s changing my life.
Rather than denying these thoughts or judging myself for having them, I see them and let them go. As I do this I create some distance and “desidentify” with them. I become free of them as an outcome.
Can you admit that you are currently having multiple thoughts you are not aware of? That some of them may be negative and self-destructive? That in a way they run your life? That you can start being aware of them? That when you can watch them go as a car passing by? That if you do this you’ll become more free of them and lead a more conscious and joyful life?