All these courtesy/politeness social norms come from the history of humanity (starting 200K – 2M years ago), during these years millions of norms have been added and another big chunk have disappeared.
At this point in history, meaning today as I write, we would all be better off if we asked ourselves the following two questions instead of robotically following all the norms that we have learned: “Are these rules really necessary?” and “what would happen if these rules didn’t exist”?
Sub-questions for “Are these rules really necessary?":
- What are they for?
- Are they intended for people to feel better? If so, should they stay? -I say no-
- To show something to someone?
- If so does it need to come through a rule?
- What happens if someone is not shown what that person expected?
- Are the rules trying to cover a need or lack?
Sub-questions for “what would happen if these rules didn’t exist?":
- What are we afraid we might do if these rules weren’t in place?
- What natural aspects or behaviors of the human condition are we judging that do we need to regulate with rules?
- Is it really a problem of the behavior? Or perhaps a problem of the judgment?
Are we creating rules and expecting others to follow them for us to feel respected? I am done doing things I don’t want to do so other people feel better about themselves, so how about this question: Why don’t we just get over ourselves?
How about we start compromising? And as we do so we also start allowing people not to compromise for ourselves, meaning not needing other people to act a certain way for us to feel valued? That would be nice.
If there were no lack, need for of external approval, fears or judgment towards the human condition …we could all leave these courtesy rules in the other side of history and start discovering who we are beneath and beyond them.