The more we think we know ourselves and identify ourselves with a theory we have come up to explain a situation that occurs to us the more screwed we are. Often times, when we have a theory about ourselves we unconsciously define so much with it that anything that could question it is automatically discarded.
I just spent a week in a spiritual community and instead of listening to what others had to point to me I was more worried in making them understand the things I already “knew” about me, making sure that they understood the problems I had already “nailed down” so we could then focus on the solution. It took me some time to understand, but I finally did, that this approach was flawed because it was based on the false premises that I knew what happened to me and that I had a problem.
The problem wasn’t to have a “problem”, the problem was seeing something that happened to me as a problem to be solved. The problem that needs to be solved existed only in my imagination. Solving an imaginary problem is pretty hard and focusing my energy on fixing it not very smart. It is also very tricky and dangerous because when we lock down negative theories about ourselves we end up holding on to them tighter than to our own lives.
Wouldn’t it just make life easier to not believe the problem in the first place? “Yes, but how can you say I don’t have a problem that I need to solve when I’m always sleepy, I haven’t slept 4 hours straight in my life I don’t even have energy to fix myself a sandwich”. Great arguments, exactly, that’s the mind coming in explaining you very well why you have a problem. We need to be watchful that the arguments in favor of a problem don’t lock us into having a problem, and the more convincing the arguments the more we need to be careful not to let them dictate our behavior.
In my case I was completely identified with my problem of living in a continuous subtle anxiety. The right question is not so much of whether this problem is real or not but whether I believe it and therefore attach to it or not. If I do believe it then I will focus my energy in solving the problem, if I don’t believe it I will not try to solve it but there will be no problem to be solved.
And yes, there are things that I can do like give myself a second before talking to someone to make sure I’m more centered or looking around to be more aware of my surroundings and make sure I’m present. The beauty of these approach is that the focus is on becoming more of what you already are, conscious awareness, rather then solving something that you are not, a problem.