The Absurdity of Mind in Essence

I was having breakfast with a group of friends including Daniela and her boyfriend Karl and I asked Daniela: “Do you know where the butter is?” and automatically I saw a thought running through my mind “This motherfucker (Karl) is going to think I’m trying to steal his girlfriend”.

This is how the mind often operates, completely absurdly. A few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have caught this thought but this time I did because I’m making the conscious effort not to have thoughts or beliefs blindly run my life.  The first step for this is to be more aware of my thoughts, the second one is to question them. This thought wasn’t true, could other less obvious thoughts that are running my life not be true either?

Who is Really in Control?

I notice my mother “hovering” all over me continuously and ask her to take care of herself instead of me. She tells me that she is happy when her children are happy. I need to tell her that “if for her to be happy I need to be happy, this means two things: one, that I’m her vehicle for her to be happy and two, that her rationale makes me her prisoner as she needs to control me and my happiness so she can be happy”.

I need to make her stop controlling me for me to be in peace as she is driving me crazy.

I then realize the irony, I also need her to act in a certain way for me to be happy.

In the following hour I read this from Byron Katie: “We say to others only what we need to hear ourselves.”